Thursday, February 17, 2005

this situation had been getting pretty much out of hand the past few months. i guess most families, if not all, has their own so-called family problems that is juz there. kinda situations that both sides won't back down and maybe not even time can heal. maybe a miracle. many miracles? i've never ever liked to talk about my family nor my personal life. so does everyone else hur? afraid of others knowing me too well i guess. maybe only she got close enuff. wasn't a memory but forever. now i can't even talk about my army life. really wtf. this dear family of mine, seriously everything is as perfect as it can be. but problems hence disputes hence quarrels always arise from one basic divide. personally i've never felt it was ever a problem and so dame insignificant but that lifestyle is so different. there's always that limit. a taurus male can be real stubborn if he wants, so materialistic, dame egoistic, crystallic silent and so much more. if he really wants to...

the root of people's stupid beliefs. human beings overvalue themselves. why? because they are the most intelligent creatures on the planet, they think they are put here for a purpose. they are so presumptuous to believe that human beings are 'special creatures' and the supreme form of life, and hence there must be a meaning to their lives. in short, they think too much of themselves. this human-centric stance has led to beliefs like fate and religion. they want so much to believe that someone is actually plotting their course in life, that someone is judging them from above, that someone is preparing a place for them in heaven, that each and everyone of us is God's beloved child. that someone actually cares. to support themselves emotionally. they want to believe they actually matter in the entire scheme of things, and hence they make up all kinds of weird crap to feed their non-deserving egos. do humans think they are so good and important as to deserve something called 'heaven' when they die? also, they want to feel as if they are constantly watched over and accountable to a higher being. in short, they have an inflated opinion of themselves. ever noticed how other creatures of this earth are not accorded this 'privilege'? touch your heart, do we really leave the chioce up to the above or do humans wheedle and beg and hope till we get what we want? we think we're so mighty, until we realise that we still have to succumb to stronger forces anyway. people really believe in the omnipotence of thoughts huh?

all this, because they impart too much value to the human race. but the fact is, we don't matter. do we? our existence is insignificant. if our planet were to be swallowed by a black hole now, no one else in this universe would give a shit. the sooner mankind snaps out of this deluded ego-trip, the better it is for everyone. our 'intelligence', has in fact backfired and made us think stupid things. but then again all this will indeed be true if we step back, take a look at the big picture, of course we won't matter at all. but if we were to look closer at the small picture, note the things we do each day, the love, the building of friendships, the triumph we feel when we succeed at tasks, and all that kinda feel-good stuff, then that's what makes our lives substantial and our existence justified. are these just worldly desires or do we indeed need a belief for us to live for?

maybe, just maybe, one day it might, just might happen. i might even awaken from this self delusion, this self-centeredness or even called selfishness? even open up my heart and be enlightened. still, i want to experience for myselve and take things as it cames alright. but till then, it's my life and i'll live it as i like. don't ever fuck around with my libido. are u able to read between lines? do you get what i'm trying to say? yeah whatever suits me. pheew, i think this's what happens when a national serviceman has too much time on his hands. he can go mad if everythings kept within his heart. for the record. my fourth proper blog entry that really matters. to me.
oh yah, to all those singles out there.
Happy Valentines

ps: den again another over-commercialized day. happy valentines. the irony. can u believe ppl are actually rejoicing over the death of St.Valentine who became the patron saint of lovers. was beheaded by Emperor Claudious II of Rome as he had secretly married christian couples, which was forbidden in those days. then again, many believe it had been a day since ancient Rome when birds begin to pair. the day was looked upon as specially consecrated to lovers and as a proper occasion for writing love letters and sending lovers' tokens. do those celebrating actually knew this? a day ppl think they should treat their loved ones specially. shouldn't everyday be special?


For this was sent on Seynt Valentyne's day. Whan every foul cometh ther to choose his mate

James | 9:20 PM